Our Restoration After Breast Cancer: A Vital, Detailed, and Often Private Journey
As I returned from vacation in Venice, I had nothing but time on the plane. It was a fantastic trip and one in which I didn’t think much at all about cancer. It was delightful. The days when I’m not dwelling on my personal breast cancer diagnosis and treatment now seem to outnumber the days I do.
When imaging or appointments come up, I feel the familiar surge of anxiety and end up right back in the swirl. But, most days, that isn’t the case.
So, as I sat on the very long plane ride, willing my noise-canceling headphones to do their thing, my mind drifted towards this transformation occurring in my soul.
Am I still recovering, or am I in a new phase?
Breast Cancer Recovery - An Important Process
After each phase of our breast cancer treatment ends, we enter into the recovery process. Our bodies, minds, and souls need to heal to proceed to the next part of treatment.
Our incisions need to heal, our white blood cells need to rebound after the latest chemo treatment, or our skin needs to recover from radiation treatment. These are vital parts of our physical recovery from breast cancer treatment.
Our recovery timeframes vary. Some of us take longer to heal from surgery or radiation. Maybe we are dealing with complications or unclear margins. We may have lingering neuropathy or fatigue. Perhaps we are working through the emotional turmoil from our treatment and realizing that we need to add some psychological care to our recovery plan.
Recovery has no fixed length. It can take weeks, months, or years. We don’t wake up one day and feel recovered. It is a process and an individual one we all walk through.
Lately, I have been feeling as if there is something beyond recovery. It’s been over four years since my active cancer treatment ended, and I’m feeling a shift in my soul. I no longer feel as if I’m still recovering. There is an increased sense of pursuing and rebuilding.
What is happening?
Moving from Breast Cancer Recovery to Restoration
It is impossible to travel to a historical location and not see something under restoration. Often, the facade of the building will be draped in fabric, with the building’s image printed on it. Underneath, the real work is being done.
Sometimes, we can get a glimpse of the work in progress. It is slow, detailed, and unhurried. As I compare it to how we approach our restoration after cancer, I wonder if it might offer us a new vision of what we might do after the recovery process.
What can we learn from the restoration process, and how can we apply it to our own lives?
Breast Cancer Restoration Takes Time
Significant historical restoration projects are measured in years rather than days. It is not unusual for them to take between two and five years.
Our own restoration is no different. It is one thing to have the stitches out and our incisions healed. Integrating our scars into the new version of ourselves is quite another. When we look in the mirror, we accept and embrace this restored, cancer-free version.
This acceptance takes time. Our bodies and souls need time to heal. Our brains need to reconcile the image of us in the mirror with our internal self-image. When this happens, we know that the restoration is in progress.
I remember feeling uncomfortable with my scar showing the first time we took a tropical vacation after breast cancer. I would put on my bathing suit and adjust it just the right way so that the scar wasn’t visible.
In 2024, I put on that same bathing suit confidently and didn’t even check to see if the scar was showing. Whether it was or it wasn’t, I was still going to enjoy myself.
Our breast cancer restoration takes time. Measure in years, not months.
Breast Cancer Restoration Is Often Private
When a landmark or work of art begins the restoration process, a fabric drape is often put up, separating us from seeing the progress. Much of the detailed restoration is done undercover, and we only see what the project managers intend us to see.
As I’ve been walking through this phase of my breast cancer restoration, much of it is being done privately. (Unless I’m writing a post about it)
This is our time to restore the intimate areas of our lives. How can we feel beautiful, sexy, confident, and vibrant again? Do we try new bras, take long and leisurely baths, experiment with lubricants, or wear a new red lipstick? We may rediscover things that spark passion or find out what worked in the past is no longer an option.
I had hoped I could wear some beautiful underwire bras if I got sized correctly. So, when we went to France in 2023, I spent time purchasing a combination of wire-free and underwire bras from my favorite lingerie store (Etam). I came home with quite a collection and was excited to try them out.
Every day I chose an underwire bra, I was sore. My DCIS was located right where the underwire would rest, and I have found that I can no longer wear a bra that puts pressure on that area. Perhaps the tissue is still tender from radiation? I kept trying the pretty underwire bras out and eventually decided it wouldn’t get better. So, now I know that my post-cancer breast requires a wire-free bra. Thankfully, I brought some of those home with me, too!
I’m not sending out treatment text updates letting my support team know how my quest for a beautiful and sexy bra is going. That would be awkward. This part of my restoration is a private journey that I progress on gradually.
Does Our Breast Cancer Restoration Have an End Date?
Each phase of historical restoration projects typically has an end. The restored work is unveiled upon completion, and we can enjoy its vibrant beauty again.
What about our breast cancer restoration? Is this a lifelong process, or one that will finish?
Talk to me in 20 years!
I’m sure the phase I’m in now will be completed, but I’m not certain what the next version will be.
Pompeii’s restoration began in 1748 and continues today. A new project, the Grand Pompeii Project, started in 2012 .
Visitors enjoy what can be seen of Pompeii and wait while other areas are under restoration.
While our lifespan is much shorter than several centuries, we can apply some perspective to our lives.
Breast Cancer Restoration:
- It will happen in several different phases.
- Some phases will be public/visible.
- Some phases will be private and invisible to others
- It will take time— think in years, not months.
When I think about this process of breast cancer restoration, I smile. This feels joyful and hopeful. I don’t know what the next phase of restoration will look like, but I’m excited to find out.
Jennifer Douglas
Jennifer is the author of "A Breast Cancer Journey: Living it One Step at a Time," breast cancer survivor, and patient advocate. Her book, published in 2023 by Bold Story Press, is an encouraging guide for breast cancer patients. It contains first-hand information, organized by topics, to help readers navigate the diagnosis, treatment, and recovery from breast cancer. Her writing emphasizes emotional, mental, and physical well-being along with empowered decision-making.
2 Comments
Joni
I really enjoyed reading what you’ve written so far about restoration. This would definitely make a great follow up book. I think a lot of us need the encouragement months and years after treatment is over.
Thanks for the new read.
Joni
Jennifer Douglas
Thank you so much! I am enjoying the exploration of this idea and I am sure I’ll have more to write about it in the future!