Creating a Private and Comfortable Bedroom Oasis

I have created a private and comfortable bedroom oasis in my home. The master bedroom is a special place where I can shut out the rest of the world, relax, sleep, and enjoy intimate moments with my husband.  

I’ve written about how I like to retreat into my bedroom for an escape, but in this post, I’ll be focusing on how to bring romance into the bedroom and create a unique oasis for intimacy.

The master bedroom wasn’t always a private space for us. When I was a new mom, I nursed the boys exclusively. It wasn’t uncommon for me to bring a baby to bed to do the middle of the night feedings. My babies didn’t sleep well, so I was one exhausted mom.

Once the boys were weaned, I had the freedom and desire to create a more romantic space in the bedroom. Over the years, I have tweaked and modified the room to make it a private and comfortable place for Dave and me.

Privacy Matters in the Bedroom

I take privacy in the bedroom very seriously. It is very rare for my kids to come up and “hang out” in my room. This is by design. Over the years, I have done several things to create a private space that I can feel comfortable relaxing in.  

Clear Boundaries for the Kids

The first step to create a private oasis in the bedroom is to set specific boundaries for the family. As soon as our children could get out of their toddler beds and come find us, we decided to set up some expectations. We taught them that they always needed to knock and wait for us to say “Come In.” If there was an emergency, they could come in if we didn’t respond right away. To this day, if the teens want to come in, they know to knock and wait. If I don’t hear them, I can expect a text message, an intercom, or a phone call. They know not to come in.

We have a closed-door policy in our bedroom. The door stays closed almost all the time. This keeps the bedroom private and also means that the dogs can’t get in and chew up the pillows if I’m not there.  

Do Not Disturb Sign

There are times when I don’t want the kids knocking on the door. It could be because I am taking a nap in the afternoon, or it could be for other reasons. I have a do not disturb sign hanging near my door, which I will put out when I don’t want a knock. I also made it clear to the kids that they needed to be extra quiet and stay away from the bedroom door when the sign was out. Since we have done virtual schooling exclusively, there weren’t hours of quiet when the boys were at school. The sign allowed me to rest without disruption when I was tired.

Lock on the Door

We have a lock on our bedroom door. We use it when we want extra assurance that no one will barge in. It is a simple lock with a push button that is easy to unlock from the other side if necessary. In the case of an emergency, we all know how to get that doorknob unlocked.

The lock helps me to relax during the intimate moments. Now that our kids are older, there are times when they stay up later than we do. I can no longer wait until they go to bed for private times with my husband. I would be thoroughly exhausted if I tried to do that. The lock on the door provides that extra level of security so that no one walks in on something private.

Comfort and Mood in the Bedroom

I am a very situational person when it comes to intimacy. It takes me time to disconnect from my “mom mode” and relax. I have tried to create a space in the bedroom that communicates romance and relaxation every time I enter it. 

Comfortable Bedding

If the bed isn’t comfortable to sleep in, that is a huge problem. Before we moved to our current home, we had the same mattress for fifteen years. Dave used to be quite overweight, so it was really broken down. Fifteen years is too long to have a mattress! We ditched that one on our move to the current home and decided to buy a new bed and mattress. We decided to buy a memory foam mattress from Tuft and Needle. We love it and ended up buying them for all the beds in the home.  

We decided to buy a bed with a fabric headboard for our current room. It is great for relaxing and reading in. I have a collection of nice cotton sheets. I love the breathability of the cotton. It does wrinkle, but that doesn’t bother me when I’m sleeping.  I have lots of comfortable pillows and just the right number of blankets on the bed to stay comfortable.  

If you haven’t replaced your bedding in a long time, perhaps you might consider treating yourself to a new pillow or sheets. We spend quite a bit of time sleeping in our beds, and it ought to be comfortable.

Mood Lighting

I don’t like it too bright, and my husband doesn’t like it dark. So we have plenty of mood lighting in our bedroom, which is dimmable and can be set to fun colors. We have smart bulbs from Hue in our bedside lamps, and then this really wonderful light strip behind a dresser, which can be set to many different colors. I also have several battery-operated candles placed around the room.  

The variety of lighting options allows us to tune the lights to whatever activity we are doing. Dave has created one lighting set called “Date Night” which sets our lights to a fun pink color. This is the setting we use when we are watching our tv before bed.  

Music

We have a HomePod in our room and several playlists which we can call out to create a mood. Sometimes we’d like to pretend that we are vacationing in the tropics. Other times, we want to listen to some relaxing jazz music. When I’m getting ready in the morning, I listen to my French Pop playlist. I get to practice my French and dream of traveling again.  

The music also serves to add a layer of privacy for us. We don’t hear the teens downstairs, and the music will likely prevent other sounds from traveling through the door. I find it much easier to relax when the music is playing.

Romantic Decor

I have decorated our bedroom with art and pictures that remind me of France. This has created a romantic mood in the bedroom for me. I have pictures of my husband and I on trips on the walls as well. These decorative touches say romance to me.  

I would encourage you to think about what type of decor is romantic to you. Perhaps you love the beach and would feel most relaxed with coastal decor. Then fill your room with decorations that remind you of a beach vacation! If you do that, going to bed each night will feel like going on a vacation.

Picked Up

I make my bed and pick up my room every day. A messy bedroom isn’t romantic to me. In fact, if my room is a mess, I will get stressed out as I’m getting ready for bed. Sometimes this happens around Christmas time because we do the wrapping in our room! 

We do use our room for other things besides sleeping. Dave and I will use the TV in our retreat to workout. The credenza holds our video equipment and weights that we will use during the AppleFitness Plus workouts. Additionally, Dave had his Xbox in this room. He enjoys playing video games on his time off with the boys and his friends. The video game supplies and the workout accessories are all put away when we are done using them. This preserves the bedroom’s romantic mood while still allowing us to use it for other things.  

It might not be possible for you to keep your bedroom a single-use room. But, if you are diligent about putting the other things away once you’re done with them, the room’s overall mood and decor can be preserved.

I hope that these ideas can help you create a private and comfortable oasis in your bedroom. I have enjoyed decorating this space over the years. I can’t take a romantic vacation with Dave right now, but I can close the door, dim the lights, and put on some soft music.