A Retreat from the Chaos

Sometimes we need to retreat from the chaos of our days.  When the kids are too loud, and the dogs won’t stop barking, and you’ve just about had enough, what do you do?  Do you have a retreat where you can escape?

If you had to get away from it all, where would you go?  Would you get in the car and drive for an hour or two?  Would you get on a plane and fly to a tropical island to find a hammock?  Would you head outside and take a long walk?  

Those are all nice choices, but what if you can’t leave the house?  For many of us right now, that is a reality.  We are all trying to stay home, at least most of the time, to stay healthy.  And we are all home, together.  That can be amazing, but it can also mean that we might get overwhelmed.  

So, do you have a spot in your home where you can go to get away from the chaos of family life?  Whether your home is large or small, I encourage you to create a place where you can go to get away without leaving your home.

I can already hear your objections… But Jennifer, my home is too small, there’s nowhere I can go to escape.  Stop right there, I’m going to respectfully disagree.  I grew up in a very small house. And we all had little places we could go to be by ourselves.

My Small Childhood Home

Let me tell you about my home growing up.  It was a vacation cottage, converted to a single family residence.  It was about a thousand square feet, two bedrooms, one bathroom, and no central heat.  If we wanted it warmer, we started a wood fire in our freestanding wood burning stove.  My childhood bedroom was so small that my dad decided it would be better to make my furniture custom so that I would still have floorspace. If we had tried to put a twin bed in my room there would be no room for me to play.  Needless to say, I have had experience living in a small home!

So, what did we do in our home to create space for each of us?  Well, we used every square foot of that house to our advantage, and when something didn’t work, we adapted.  My parents had a small room off of their bedroom.  This room served many purposes as we lived there.  I can remember my mom having her loom set up in that room.  The loom was almost as large as the room.  When I was little, I would crawl under the loom and look up at it.  That room was her creative space and her retreat so that she could create her weavings.

As I grew, that room transformed into a study.  The loom disappeared, and we replaced it with a corner computer desk and build in bookcases.  I spent hours in that study writing my papers and doing my homework.  That room changed purposes as our family needs changed.

One thing I remember about my little home was the fact that it was alway possible to find a little space by myself.  Now, I am an only child, so I didn’t have siblings to play with, or to bother me.  But, we had lots of little places that we could go and sit.  There was the family room, the sun porch area with the fireplace, my bedroom, and the study.  Then there was the playhouse I had outside.  I loved all those little spots.  I could curl up with a book and just escape. There were always little places I could retreat.

As I grew up and moved out, I found that I still longed for a little spot to escape to.  So, I have made it a practice to carve out some space where I can go and hide away when live with the family gets too crazy.  My friend, do you have a spot to escape?  It is vitally important that you create one so that you can recharge your soul.

How to Create a Retreat

There are some key components to look for in your retreat, so as you are looking around your home, try to see if you can include these in your special place.

1. Private

Your retreat should be a private space, or at the very least a place where you can close the door.  This is really critical because in order to have the freedom to relax and recharge, you need to have a barrier between you and the rest of the family.  

One of the most natural spaces for this escape is in your bedroom.  All bedrooms have a door, and are equipped with a comfortable, built in seating space.  If you are short of square footage, then look to your bedroom to create your retreat.  Train your children, and your spouse, if necessary, that you will be using the bedroom as an “escape room” from the family stress.  Let them know that they should knock or text you if they really need to get hold of you while you are on your brief retreat.  

If your children regularly go in and out of your room, then it is time for you to set up some boundaries.  Even the youngest of kids can be trained to knock.  If you’d rather not hear the knock, then get a hotel “do not disturb” hang tag, and put that out when you really don’t want to be disturbed.  We brought one home from a tropical vacation, and when I would go and take a nap, I would make sure to put that out on the door.  My kids quickly learned not to knock when that sign was up.  Since we have homeschooled for all of our kids’ education, it was really important to me that I could create some space to escape from the kids.  Without the built in school quiet time, I knew that I would run the risk of becoming overwhelmed.  So, I have been known to go and take some time in the early afternoon in my retreat space so that I can cultivate my calm for the rest of the day.

2.  Picked Up

Wherever you decide to create your retreat, it should be picked up. There is absolutely nothing relaxing about coming into your special spot and needing to clean it up before you can relax.  Keep it ready for you, so that you can pop in at a moment’s notice to take a breather.  

If you are using your bedroom as a retreat, then that means you need to get that bed made in the morning so that when you walk into the room later in the day, it isn’t a mess.  If you have clothes all over the floor, then pick them up!  

Everyone has a different cleanliness standard, so the basic rule of thumb should be that if you walk into the room, you feel relaxed.  If that means you need to vacuum the room every day, then do that.  If you are ok with a few book piles here and there, then leave the piles.  If a little dust bothers you, then figure out what the frequency is that you need to do to keep the room at a standard you are happy with.

If you are married, and your spouse tends to leave things out, then pick them up.  Yes, I am telling you to pick up after your spouse.  If the socks on the floor bother you, then pick them up as soon as you see them.  The important thing is that you maintain this space in a condition that works for you.  If socks on the floor don’t bother you at all (maybe they are yours), then ignore them.  But, if they cause you to get frustrated when you enter the room, then pick them up!!!

3.  Pretty

This spot should really speak to your idea of beauty.  As you are creating a little retreat for yourself, make it pretty.  That means something a little different to each of us.

In my bedroom, which also serves as my escape room, I have decorated it with paintings of Paris.  I have loved France for my entire life, and so as I planned my decor for the Master Bedroom I wanted to create a special vacation environment for myself.  

I absolutely love being in my bedroom oasis.  It is a wonderful retreat from the noise and the chaos that happens at times in my home.

Take a few moments and walk around your home or apartment.  Can you find a place where you might be able to create a retreat for yourself?  Be creative, and look for a private, picked up, and pretty space where you can refresh yourself when you need it.