Reunited: A Thanksgiving Reflection on Parenting

I began this Thanksgiving reflection on plane heading to Boise to see Ken for the first time since he drove off for college in August.  The week has been one of precious time of togetherness, both with our children, and also with Dave’s parents and local family.  I find myself sitting in the quiet times, reflecting on the purpose of parenting, and the necessity of savoring the moments. 

Saturday- Heading to Boise

There is a palpable pregnancy in the atmosphere.  As the plane closes in on Boise, I prepare to see Ken for the first time in months.  My mind flies back to the time I spent in the rocking chair on the days after his due date, feeling the anticipation of the moment of meeting him for the very first time.

 Eighteen years ago, I knew not the baby I would meet.  The walls painted yellow in the nursery a few short weeks before were ready for a boy or a girl.  I had had housed this infant inside yet did’t know him.  I had nine months of waiting in preparation and anticipation.

We begin our descent and once again I feel that sense of expectation and unknown.  Ken will pick us up and welcome us into his new world that he has built without us.  Who will he be this adult son of mine?  

As the plane banks I marvel that it has already been three months.  A quarter of a year of growth.  The moments will likely not meet my every expectation.  But will I cherish it?  Will I pay attention in the moments we have?

Arrival

I see him in his bright orange Boise State sweatshirt at baggage claim.  Dan has run ahead to find his brother and search for his suitcase.  Ken turns to see us and runs over.

He encircles me with a huge hug and time pauses.  The noise of the airport fades away and there is nothing but our family, reunited in that circle of love. After a few moments, he hugs Dave  with intensity. The hugs complete, we all look at each other in pure joy, grinning underneath our masks.

Ken takes my suitcase and confidently walks us to his car. I climb into the backseat with Dan and we head over to Dave’s parent’s house.  It is surreal.  The first time we took him home, he was an infant in carrier.  We welcomed him into our world, to the home we had prepared for him.  

Now, he is inviting us into his world.  The music playing on the speakers is a collection of his favorite classical music.  He drives the freeways with confidence.  The laughter and stories fill the car, and I close my eyes.  Breathing deeply, I take in the timelessness of these moments.  He is the same son I said goodby to a few months earlier, but there is a confidence about him that is undeniable.

Dan fills his brother in with all the stories, in rapid fire, of the last three months.  These two had spend years together in the school room, being each other’s constant companions.  The hole in the home had perhaps been felt most deeply by him.  

As the chatter continues, I rest my head on the backseat, and realize that we made it.  The unseen moments of parenting felt worth it.

Parenting: A New Understanding

When I left for college, I was filled with the excitement of a life away from my small town.  From Half Moon Bay to Los Angeles was only a quick plane ride, but for me it was a world away. I even embraced a new nickname, Jen instead of Jennifer, as I met my new friends.  

I was too busy enjoying my new world to spend much time thinking about what I left behind.  The possibilities of the future were everywhere I looked.  I didn’t pause to think about the changes that were thrust upon my parents.  I was enjoying college life and embracing a newfound freedom.

Working Ourselves out of a Job

Parenting is one of the only jobs in which success looks like working yourself out of a job.  There were so many hours we spent teaching life skills, money management, study habits, and manners.  Over and over we worked behind closed doors. 

Would what we said matter?  

Was anything we were doing sinking in?  

For eighteen years we were able to love, guide, discipline, and protect this child.  Now, he’s an adult.  Still loved, but no longer under our wings of protection.  We let him go, under God’s protection, trusting that he will figure it out. 

•  Will he be successful in his classes?  
• Will he get along with his roommates and make friends?   
• What kind of an adult will he be?

As I sit in the backseat of Ken’s car this week, listening to him tell us all about his first few months of college, I begin to understand what the purpose of parenting is.  I hear him echo back to us the lessons we instilled in him.  

As he walks us around campus I realize he has made a home here in Idaho.  I see the classrooms where he’s learning, the dorm he’s living in, and I smile.  There is a confidence in him that is undeniable.  

Mom in Transition

My role as a mom is in transition.  I feel a sense of accomplishment that the struggles behind closed doors have had a purpose.  It has been worth it.

• Those sleepless nights- worth it.
• Surviving the tantrums- worth it.
• My tears of frustration- worth it.

 And now, I let go, with gratitude and thankfulness for the memories.