Recognizing Anxiety and Returning to Calm

Over the last several weeks, I’ve recognized that my anxiety has resurfaced. My mental well-being has been challenged of late through a combination of personal habits and circumstances. I want to share what I’m doing to be more aware of the presence of anxiety and how I’m addressing it.  

Please Note: I’m not a mental health professional. If you’re experiencing severe anxiety or depression, please reach out to your medical team. Please read and understand my disclaimer before continuing.

Recognizing Anxiety

Anxiety didn’t announce herself like a proper guest. There was no notification from my smart doorbell that she had shown up. She was sneaky and surrounded my home as the circumstances in my life got challenging. I heard her presence like the rumbling of a storm outside. She infiltrated my peace as I sat quietly on the couch, aimlessly scrolling through my phone. Anxiety attacked my patience and made my words to the family sharp and pointed.

It took me a few weeks to recognize that anxiety had taken up residence in my soul again. I found myself unable to relax. I got irritated more easily at the family. I would find myself unable to make progress because I was worried about what might happen next.

Another Cancer in the Family

 A month and a half ago, my husband was diagnosed with skin cancer on the top of his nose. Thankfully we caught it early. But, it is still cancer.  

There is no good kind of cancer to get.  

Because of covid, I could not be with him during any of his appointments or during the Moh’s procedure to remove it. He had to be awake during the surgery, which was happening on the most prominent part of his face. There were many stitches, and it is still healing. We will not know for a while if he will need to have more reconstruction.

 Every morning I get my recovery basket ready and go through the process of changing the bandage, cleaning it up, putting more Aquaphor on it, and making a new bandage.

The skin cancer was diagnosed and removed so quickly that we hardly knew what hit us. The aftermath of the surgery and the healing process has been difficult, physically and emotionally. 

A return of cancer to our family seemed to invite anxiety back into my home.

What Will Next Year Look Like?

We are also in the process of walking with our eldest son through college decisions. We don’t know where he will go in the fall, but we know that things will look different for our family. 

Sometimes I’m excited about it, and other times I’m terrified about what it will look like for him to live apart from us and become an adult.

How Did I Recognize Anxiety Returned?

It took me a while to realize that my anxiety was back. I couldn’t address with the disruptive thoughts and physical sensations when I wasn’t aware of anxiety’s return.  

While anxiety may look different for everyone, this is how it presents itself to me:

• Persistent email checking
• Too much time on social media
• Scrolling through my phone
• Difficulty doing things I enjoy
• Lack of patience
• Lack of motivation
• Feeling restless
• Impatience with my family
• Frustration when I get interrupted
• Spinning thoughts in my head
• Difficulty sleeping
• Constant worry

Why did Anxiety Return?

Once I recognized that anxiety was back, I needed to take action. But, before I did that, I tried to reflect on why it had returned.

The biggest reason it came back was that there were too many things going on in my life that were out of my immediate control. These situations disrupted my loved ones’ health and wellness, and I could not make things different for them.

The combination of pandemic fatigue, my husband’s cancer diagnosis, and the impending college decisions had taken its toll. While I handled the initial stress well, my body and mind had a delayed reaction. I found myself with an upset stomach and an anxious mind during the days after. My body and soul were not at peace.

Taking Action 

I wasn’t enjoying the feeling of being on edge all of the time. I couldn’t change the circumstances we were facing, but I needed to use some of my tools to work through this anxious period.

I decided to add some yoga back into my workout routine. This has been a practice that helps me to release physical stress through movement. I always feel a combination of peace and energy when I finish a yoga workout. I began to notice a change in my stress level when I added this practice back in.

The next thing I decided to do was to resume a more regular meditation practice. I meditated quite a bit during my cancer treatment and also at the beginning of the pandemic. But, I had let this habit fall away over the last several months. On a particularly anxious day last week, I decided to open up the Calm app again and do a meditation.  

I was shocked at how centered and peaceful I felt after doing the meditation. It was as if the 10-minute practice had hit the reset button in my brain. Instead of feeling like an idling car when I was sitting on the couch, I felt relaxed and at peace. There have been a variety of scientific studies that reinforce my experience.

I am feeling less anxious now that I’ve resumed more regular yoga and meditation. The circumstances in my life haven’t shifted, but my perspective has. There is more space between the stressful situations and my response.  

Anxiety made an unwelcome return to my soul over the last couple of weeks. Meditation and yoga have helped me evict her and improve my mental well-being.  

How do you recognize and address anxiety in your life?  I would love to hear about any tools you use to help you return to calm after an anxious time.