Homeschool Classroom Management: Establishing a Unified Set of Expectations For At-Home Behavior

In our homeschool and virtual school environment, we have a unique classroom management challenge. Do we choose to have one set of expectations for the classroom and another for the home? Or do we establish a unified set of expectations for all at-home behavior?  

Our family has chosen to establish a unified set of behavior standards. It is easier to enforce and provides continuity and consistency throughout the day. Over the years, the expectations and consequences have been modified as needed. 

Suddenly, things will get rocky in the home, and then Dave and I realize that something has changed. We take a look at what we’ve been doing and then make adjustments. Sometimes that means that we rework the expectations. But, most of the time, it means that I haven’t been as consistent with the consequences as I needed to be. Of the two of us, I’m more flexible. That doesn’t work well because the kids will use that to bend the standards. Usually, things will settle down when I get back to consistently applying the expectations and consequences.

Twin Challenges of Classroom Management and At-Home Behavior Standards 

It is hard to balance classroom management and at-home behavior standards. When we school at home, are we the teacher or the parent? Or are we both? 

Yes.  

It is complicated.  

I’ve been playing both parts for 13 years, so it is less complicated than it was initially. But, I struggled at the beginning to be unified in my classroom and at-home standards.  

Teacher Days

I was an elementary and middle school music teacher for three years.  I also did substitute teaching work for another year. I had the opportunity to set up my classrooms and establish the standards that worked for me. When I was a substitute, I walked into other teacher’s classrooms. I could see how each of them had different expectations for their students.  

In my music classroom, I needed to have clear expectations for noise, especially since all of my students had instruments in their hands. I couldn’t yell over the warming up, so I set the expectation that they could noodle around until I got up on the podium. Then they needed to stop playing.  

We practiced this expectation over and over for the first few weeks of school. I would make it a game. They would make lots of noise, and I would get up on the podium to see how quickly they would stop playing. If a student didn’t react soon enough, I would stare in their direction until they stopped. Most of the time, the other students would look over as well. This was enough peer pressure to get the behavior to stop.

I knew that classroom management would help me be a more effective teacher. So, I spent time on it. If a class didn’t go well, it would end, then kids would go to a different class, and I could look at what I did and try again the next day. I didn’t get emotionally wrapped up in the misbehavior. I had bad days, but it was all part of the job.

Every Teacher has Different Expectations for Noise, Seating, Discussion, and Work

When I began substitute teaching in the elementary grades, I noticed how each teacher had different expectations for their students. Some classes were really quiet. When it was time for independent work, there wasn’t much noise going on at all. Other classes had a hum of activity. The kids would talk to each other as they were doing their seatwork. 

Some teachers liked to have the desks arranged together so that the kids would have a small group of classmates to work with. Other teachers preferred individual rows of desks. Both arrangements were effective.  

I also noticed that the teachers had different ways that they liked to have students get help. Some teachers wanted to walk around and supervise. The students would raise their hands to get the teacher’s attention. In other classrooms, the students would come up to the teacher’s desk to get help.  

All of these methods worked, as long as the teacher had been clear with their classroom expectations before I entered the room. Occasionally, I had a substitute assignment that didn’t go well. It was almost always due to the classroom management system I was walking into. There were unclear classroom expectations from the primary teacher, and I was left to establish my own substitute teacher standards. 

Classroom Management in the Virtual School Setting

In the virtual school setting, the teachers set the academic expectations, but we, as parents, are left with classroom management challenges while the kids do the work. This can be hard for us. The virtual school teachers can’t see when my boys are fighting over how hard an assignment is or what they will do together after school.

Sometimes, I will have a boy get off of a virtual school class and be frustrated or confused with an assignment. I am now responsible for ensuring this assignment gets done and also dealing with the behavior and emotional challenges during the assignment completion.  

My first course of action is to ensure that the boys redirect any questions back to the teacher. I don’t do the grading in high school, so they must go right to the source if they have a problem.

But, I am also left with the challenges of making sure school gets done and that the homeschool environment is an effective one. When there is shouting, Dave can’t get his phone calls done.  

We need a system that keeps the home running smoothly, during school and after school.

Unified Discipline and Expectation Plan For At-Home Behavior

I could establish one system for school and another for non-school. But what would I do if there was a behavior issue that happened when one child was doing a lesson, and the other was done for the day. Would they each receive different consequences? How would I keep track of which system I was using for which child?

Having one unified expectation plan for all behavior eliminates this challenge. Poor behavior during school or after school will have the same consequences. It is easier for me to administer and also easier for the kids to remember.

Write It Down

Whatever plan you establish, make sure you write it down. This will help both parents be on the same page with home behavior expectations. It will also eliminate one of my favorite arguments, “But, it’s not fair.” If it is written down, then there is less to argue about. 

Enforce it as Unemotionally as Possible (this is hard for me)

When I was a teacher, I would enforce the consequences unemotionally. It was not hard to keep myself professional. I was outside of my home and these weren’t my kids.  

It is another story altogether in the home. I struggle to enforce the consequences unemotionally. Sometimes I take the problems personally. I think, “If I were a better mom, then this wouldn’t have happened.” This is not productive. Kids (and adults) make mistakes and behave poorly. Adding my emotions to the mix is unproductive.  

On really bad days, sometimes I would walk away from the homeschool and cry in my room. I was so wrapped up in the desire to make school fun and positive for the kids that I fell apart when it didn’t go well.  

It helped me to think of their school as work. Working is not always fun. If I used that mindset while I approached the schooling, I was less likely to get emotionally distraught when the day went bad. I wasn’t failing the kids. It was just a bad day. Bad days happen to all of us.

Tips for Developing a Plan:

• Brainstorm
  • What is working
  • What isn’t
• Set expectations
  • Noise
  • Respect for others
  • Recesses and breaks
  • Online Class attendance
  • How to get parent help
  • When can video games be done (in our home that is after school only)
  • Room cleanliness
  • Chore Completion
  • Bedtimes
  • Personal Hygiene expectations
• Establish consequences
  • Age-appropriate
  • Easily enforceable by all adults living in the home
  • Allow for school to resume as soon as possible
• Conference with Family
  • Make sure everyone is on board.  
  • All adults living in the home should be aware of the plan and know how to enforce it
• Write it Down
  • Everyone should have a copy
  • Also can be visibly posted somewhere in the home
• Tweak and Modify as needed

I hope that this has given you some ideas on establishing and enforcing a unified expectation plan for your home. I would love to hear what is working (or not working) for you. What have you tried? Feel free to share your ideas in the comments.