Fatigue is a Signal: Are We Listening?
Fatigue is talking to us. It is a signal that we ought to pay attention to. But are we? Are we taking the time to listen to its message and then decode it? Or are we exhausting ourselves trying to get over it? When fatigue speaks to us, it is better for us to listen than to ignore and fight because that will drain us even more.
We must listen to our fatigue before we address it. Since fatigue can show up in our lives for many reasons, no one solution will resolve it. By pausing and listening to our fatigue signals, we can design solutions that will be individualized to our situations. What works for me may exhaust you.
Seasons of Fatigue: Young Mom
I’ve had seasons of my life when fatigue has spoken loudly. I remember being exhausted when my boys were little. I was waking up at night to feed them, soothe them, and then chase them around the house during the day. It was an exhausting season, and my fatigue spoke incessantly to me. I learned how to listen, adjust, and give myself grace. When I attempted to push through, I got short-tempered. Evenings would be full of tears as the fatigue came to a head over dinner. There were days I didn’t listen to the signals, and I was a puddle of exhaustion while standing at the stove cooking dinner.
I remember hearing about the 5 AM club when my boys were toddlers. This group of moms would get up at 5 to pray, read the Bible, and prepare themselves for the day. The moms had bubbly energy as they shared what was working for them and how much better their days were because they were getting up so early.
I remember feeling somehow “less than” because I knew I couldn’t do that. My first son didn’t sleep through the night until he was 16 months old. It wasn’t long after he began sleeping through the night that I got pregnant with my second. I think I had a good 4-5 years of interrupted sleep with the pregnancies, babies, and toddlers who wouldn’t stay asleep.
There was no way I could get up before the boys. In fact, it took all of my efforts to get them to stay in bed past 7 AM. Ken, my older son, not only woke up several times a night, but he also woke up at the first sign of light. I set up some music to turn on in his room at 7 to let him know that it was okay to wake up.
5 AM was not happening in my life unless there was a really good reason. But I still felt guilty about not trying it. These women were thriving and doing many great things in the morning before their kids got up. I was lucky if I could have a cup of coffee before my boys started their days, let alone get my entire morning routine done.
5 AM was a wonderful way for them to carve out some alone time in their lives. But I didn’t need more alone time. I needed a way to feel less tired.
It’s Okay to be Exhausted: Accepting my Situation
Eventually, I realized it was okay to stay in bed until the last minute. I wasn’t late for anything because I was a stay-at-home mom. I loved the idea of having some quiet time, but 5 AM wasn’t the right time. Eventually, I decided to put in a midday break right after lunch. Initially, this was during the boys’ nap times. If I was tired, I could get some sleep; if I wasn’t, I could enjoy a quiet cup of coffee and a book.
I took the essential idea of the 5 AM club but modified it for my life and my fatigue level. I stopped feeling guilty about not getting up and doing all the things before the kids got up. We got ready sometime in the mid-morning, and it worked just fine. It turns out that reading the Bible and showering can happen at any hour, not just at 5 AM. And, no one is better or worse because they have decided to do something at a different time.
Fatigue During Radiation Treatment: A Signal I Couldn’t Ignore
The routine solutions that help others may not be a good fit for us, especially when dealing with a season of high fatigue. I experienced a very different kind of fatigue when I was in radiation treatment. This cancer-related fatigue was unlike anything I had experienced before. Sleep helped, but it didn’t take it away. My body was sending me strong fatigue signals, and it didn’t matter that I wasn’t a fan of it. I was exhausted.
The fatigue was frustrating to me because I felt so worthless. Other women had told me that fatigue was not an issue for them during radiation, and they sailed right through. Oh, that wasn’t the case for me at all. My body was exhausted right from the start of the treatment and for months after. I might have looked “fine,” but I was extraordinarily fatigued.
During this season of fatigue, I began to learn to listen to the signals fatigue was sending me. Rather than spending what little energy I had getting angry at the fatigue, I paused and tried to listen to what it told me.
It was telling me to rest. Maybe not sleep, but sit and be cozy on the couch. The chills that accompanied the fatigue told me I needed to have a heating pad nearby and several blankets on top of me. I built myself a nest on the couch downstairs, so I could be available to the boys and rest my body.
Radiation is damaging to our tissues— on purpose. That is the goal of the treatment. The dosages are designed to kill the cancer. Our bodies spend energy dealing with that. So, we are exhausted. We don’t fault a car for running out of gas when it is empty. No, we tend to the tank and refill it when necessary. But do we do that to ourselves?
We All Have Different Energy Capacities: Study Yours
I likened our energy capacity to a battery in a previous post. When we experience a season of fatigue, our batteries aren’t at the same capacity. We may start the day as a AAA-sized battery, and when that energy is depleted, so are we. We might be able to replace the battery overnight with a good night of sleep and then start over again. But the reality is that during high fatigue seasons, we cannot operate at the same level we could when our lives were different.
I became a student of my energy during cancer treatment and recovery. I learned to recognize what it felt like to be energized and depleted. I listened to my physical fatigue and took action. I now know that I’m exhausted after doctor appointments. It doesn’t matter what happens during the appointment; it is the actual mechanics and stress of going to the doctor. So, I build in buffer time after every single appointment time. If possible, I allocate at least an hour and a half to buffer time to process the mental and emotional stress of the appointment. Because fatigue isn’t just physical, your fatigue may be mental or emotional as well. That exhaustion can manifest as physical fatigue, even though the causes are different.
Being a student of our unique fatigue signals allows us to design solutions that work for us. That might be taking a nap, or it could be taking a walk. I don’t know what will work for you because only you can hear your fatigue signals. So the question is, are you listening? If you aren’t, they will keep ringing, and you will be too exhausted to know what to do with them.
Jennifer Douglas
Jennifer is the author of "A Breast Cancer Journey: Living it One Step at a Time," breast cancer survivor, and patient advocate. Her book, published in 2023 by Bold Story Press, is an encouraging guide for breast cancer patients. It contains first-hand information, organized by topics, to help readers navigate the diagnosis, treatment, and recovery from breast cancer. Her writing emphasizes emotional, mental, and physical well-being along with empowered decision-making.
2 Comments
Nancy Stordahl
Hi Jennifer,
Fatigue is our body talking to us. I love framing it like that! Women spend great chunks of their lives dealing with fatigue. My first baby was, shall we say, not a napper and man, it was a rough time as far as getting enough rest. So, I sure relate to your mommy stories. Of course, there are many other circumstances, too, when fatigue hits us hard. It’s hard not to feel guilty when we feel like we aren’t measuring up to some preconceived standard. Instead, as you wrote, a better solutions is: “Being a student of our unique fatigue signals allows us to design solutions that work for us.” Amen to that!
Alicia Hursley
Thanks so much for sharing this! You have really been an inspiration to me. Learning how to slow down and listen to my body when it’s fatigued has been hard. Case in point, my husband had to spend two weeks convincing me it was okay to call in a carpet cleaner to deep clean the carpets in our AirBNB we manage. I really push myself to do it all myself and it’s okay to take a break sometimes and let professionals and loved ones step in to help out. Thank you again for the sweet reminder.