Christmas Reflection : Release, Reconsider, Renew

Merry Christmas!  This holiday season has been unlike any other. The pandemic has changed the way we can celebrate. As this year draws to a close, I reflect on how we have needed to release our expectations and reconsider meaning in our lives. It is my hope that we can take this holiday season and find a way to renew our spirits even through the dark days.

I Love Christmas

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday! I absolutely adore the twinkling lights, the hymns, and the cherished traditions shared with loved ones.

As I have grown older, Christmas has also come with a surprising set of emotions. It wasn’t always that way. When I was a child, Christmas was full of joy and wonder. There was no sadness, no nostalgia, and no worries.  

This Christmas is the last one we will have with two children under 18. My eldest son graduates this year. Our Christmases will be changing soon, and I have many emotions about that. I have joy in the memories coupled with a realization that our holidays will look different in years to come.

My Childhood Tradition: The Nutcracker

I was a ballet dancer as a young child. I started out dancing at my local hometown ballet studio. When I was in early elementary school, I started taking classes at the San Francisco Ballet School. My parents would drive me up to the studio several times a week and I joined young dancers from all over the Bay Area in lessons.

My favorite time of year was Nutcracker Season. Beginning in the fall, the children would audition to participate in the Nutcracker! Then, we would begin rehearsals. Every Saturday would be spent learning the dances with the professionals. I loved it.

The performances were the highlight of my year. I remember how amazing it was to be on stage with the costumes and the live orchestra. Christmas was all about the dancing and the performing.

My parents wouldn’t be able to watch each show, because the tickets were expensive. But, many times my mom would buy a standing room only ticket just to see me perform.

For our family, Christmas was all about The Nutcracker.

When The Curtain Closed 

Then I stopped dancing. When I was in middle school the competition and the classes got really challenging. I had a strict ballet teacher who managed to find ways to make me cry. I made the decision to quit ballet after I found out I would need to repeat a year of classes with him.

Suddenly, our family Christmases changed. It was no longer about the Nutcracker.

I remember how the meaning and the music changed after I quit. We didn’t go see the Nutcracker for many years after that. In fact, I don’t think I saw the ballet performed again until I was married.

What was a Christmas tradition for me faded into a memory. It was easier that way. I didn’t need to feel regret for quitting if I let that tradition remain a quiet memory.

My parents were supportive of my choice, but that didn’t mean they weren’t sad that this tradition had ended. We found other ways to celebrate the Christmas season together and we built new memories.

When our traditions change, we may experience strong emotions. I think this is hardest when we aren’t the ones in control of the change. This year has been one where much of the changes have been out of our immediate control. I can’t think of a time where it has been harder to see my family and my friends. Sometimes I can look at the bigger picture and accept the temporary sacrifice. And other times, I just want to see my family without fear of Covid.

How do we walk through this season when nothing looks normal? I’d like to share a three ideas with you that have helped me persevere during a hard year and a half that began with Breast Cancer and has continued with Covid.

1. Release Expectations

This is an unusual year. The traditions that we have enjoyed for years, might not be able to happen.

Many of us are choosing to stay at home to celebrate the holidays. We may not be able to attend our church services in person. There are no holiday concerts to attend. There are no Christmas parties at the office. 

How do we face a holiday that looks like no other?

One way that I am coping this year is by releasing my expectations. This doesn’t mean that I will ignore my emotions. I will miss hosting my extended family on Christmas afternoon. I will miss singing with my church family. I feel sad because my home cannot be filled with guests this year. 

I will take those expectations of what Christmas has meant in years past, and release them. This year will be a quiet Christmas. I will savor this last childhood Christmas with my eldest son differently. 

Holding on to an expectation of what this Christmas should be isn’t helpful. I will look for joy differently. 

2. Reconsider Meaning

One of the reasons that our holiday traditions are so valuable is because they contribute to our sense of meaning during the season. In a year that is so different, we are now faced with a holiday that may seem more hollow in meaning.

I experienced this as a child when I stopped dancing in the Nutcracker. For years, Christmas and the Nutcracker went together. We had to reconsider how to find meaning at Christmas without the Nutcracker.  

Music has been a wonderful way to express and experience meaning during the Christmas season. I’m not dancing in the Nutcracker anymore, but I love to play Christmas music on my flute. For many years our family has participated in church Christmas concerts as a part of the orchestra. It is meaningful to play and worship together with our fellow musicians. We love playing together.

That looks different this year. Worshipping together has meant singing hymns at home together during our family worship time. We have read advent devotionals and sung along with our favorite Christmas songs. We are still worshipping, but it looks different. We have found new ways to cultivate meaning in this season.

3. Renew Our Spirits

As we release our expectations and reconsider ways to find meaning this year during the holidays, let us find ways to renew our spirits. 

I’ll share just a few ways that I have renewed my spirit throughout this season. These are things we can do, even when we are staying at home.

• Bible and Inspirational reading
• Prayer
• Meditation
• Exercise
• Stretching and Yoga
• Baking
• Watching uplifting movies
• Reading a fun book
• Listening to upbeat music
• Call or FaceTime a friend or family member
• Play a game
• Do a puzzle
• Craft or Create
• Write
• Take a walk outside
• Drink a cozy hot beverage
• Decorate your home- even if you aren’t hosting
• Color in a Coloring Book
• Play with your kids
• Get dressed up
• Burn a festive candle

This year has been a challenging year for us all.  On this Christmas Day, I hope that you and your loved ones can find ways to release expectations, reconsider what brings you meaning, and find ways to renew your soul.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!