Anxiety and Cancer

Anxiety and cancer seem to go hand in hand.  It is certainly possible to have anxiety without cancer, but I would guess that no one has cancer without some form of anxiety.  There is so much of the unknown that comes with a cancer diagnosis. Then, there is the worry if the treatment will be effective.

And the choices, can we talk about the choices?  Which treatments do we do?  Are the treatments worth the side effects?  What if we make the wrong choice?  What if something goes wrong?

So many things to worry about, and so few hours in the day.  Which is why I think our brain loves to try to sort all these problems out, when it is nice and quiet, and we are trying to sleep.

My History with Anxiety

I wouldn’t call myself a person that struggles with anxiety on a regular basis.  I have fears, and I don’t like change.  But, for the most part, I haven’t had a chronic issue with worry.  I tend to identify the problems in my life and then look for 5-10 books about this problem and proceed to read them.  

For me, the easiest way to cope with a worrisome problem is to read about it. The more I learn, the more I can feel empowered when facing a challenge.  I can draw strength from the voices of those who have walked the paths before me.

So, when I got diagnosed with breast cancer last fall, I did a lot of reading and research.  It was really important to me that I had the information I needed to tackle this really frightening situation.

Except this time the reading didn’t help.  Acquiring knowledge was really important so that I could be an informed patient about my treatment options and have focused conversations with my care team.  

It did not help at all with my anxiety!!!

My anxiety would come and go throughout the diagnosis and treatment last fall, and every time it came up, I  was startled about its power over me.

Mental Spinning

Usually the first thing that I would notice when my anxiety was cresting was the sensation that my mind was spinning.  I would think over and over about the what if scenarios.  I would seek out different voices to help me make decisions.  I would add more and more scientific studies to my notebook on my iPad.  

When I had exhausted my mental capacity to spin, then the emotions would come.  I would start to worry about the worst case scenarios.  Sometimes I would let my mind go and think about how my husband and kids would live without me.

It was overwhelming.  And there was no amount of reading that I could do which would solve this problem.

The worst was when my mind would start to spin as my head hit the pillow at night.  I would hear my husband sleeping next to me, and my mind would not shut off.  I would toss and turn, and then the longer I tossed and turned, the more anxious I got about the situation.  

Now I was worried about the cancer and the lack of sleep that I was getting.

Talk about a no win situation.

Emotional Instability

With the mental spinning also came a large dose of emotional instability.  I seemed to no longer have the emotional stamina that I was used to.  I could be in the middle of a conversation with someone, and their remarks had the ability to set me off.  It was like all of the emotional boundaries had been weakened by this new cancer diagnosis.

I remember sitting in a restaurant with Dave (back when we could do things like that), and I just started full on crying.  Right at the table.  For no reason at all.  Well, cancer, but nothing specific.  I was a wreck.  I’m not really sure what the rest of the people in the restaurant thought, but I know that I cried all of my eye makeup off during that dinner!

I experienced a level of emotional instability and anxiety during my cancer diagnosis, treatment, and recovery that I had never been through before.  It was shocking.

There is No “Good Cancer”

My breast cancer was caught really early.  It was slow growing and tiny.  If there was a “good cancer”, this was it.

But there is no “good cancer”.  

Any cancer diagnosis is life changing.  It will absolutely rock our world.  

I couldn’t believe the level of anxiety that I would experience during my treatment.  This 4 mm grain of rice inside of me was impacting my entire life and I wasn’t prepared for it.

I don’t think anyone is prepared for it.  

So, what do we do about this anxiety?  Is there anything that can help us?

Help in This Anxious Time

There are things that we can do during this anxious time that can help us deal with the ocean waves of emotion.

Acceptance

Accepting that this is a worrisome and really difficult time can really help ease our stress. If we tell ourselves that we shouldn’t worry, and then we do, now we are fighting with ourselves.  This inside fight isn’t helpful.  In fact, it has the very real potential to make us feel even more anxious.

So, my friend, if you are dealing with a potential cancer diagnosis, are being treated for cancer, or you’ve just finished treatment, and you’re feeling anxious, please tell yourself that it is ok.  Because it is.  Anxiety during medical challenges is perfectly normal.

Now, if you are not able to function, are crying all the time, and absolutely unable to function, please talk to a professional.  Your doctors are there to help you cope with the side effects of a cancer diagnosis, including the emotional side effects.

Giving yourself permission to feel anxiety can actually have the potential to reduce our anxiety level.  

Limit your Research Time

There is only so much time that we can spend researching treatments, recurrence rates, and side effects.  Please limit your research time so that your mind can find other things to think about.

If the only thing we are putting into our brains is cancer related, then we will likely feel more anxious.  

I ended up deciding to only research the next step in my process.  So, before I met with my surgeon for the first time, I read up on imaging types and the BiRads scale.  When I was meeting with my surgeon for my biopsy results, I spent time researching what I might be told.  Then, I did research on the genetic testing.  

I didn’t spend time researching radiation before my lumpectomy.  I needed to stay in the moment and only learn about what was right in front of me.

I picked a time each day where I would do my research.  When that time was over, I did something else.  I would watch a tv show, or talk to my husband, or go for a walk.  Reducing my research time gave my brain a break from the mental spinning and allowed me to feel less anxious.

Protect your Soul

When you’re in the middle of this cancer journey which can be so overwhelming, it is really important to protect your soul.  What do I mean by that?

We need to be mindful of the people and the inputs that we allow in our life during this time.  You may find that talking to some friends really helps you feel less anxiety, but maybe you have a few people in your life that stress you out. You find that after a phone call or an interaction with them you are more anxious and fearful than before. 

Listen to that feeling.  Protect your soul by limiting that interaction.  Now, if that person is a family member you live with, then you can’t just ignore them during your treatment.  But, you can ask them kindly if they could change the subject, or you could step away and find a place to center yourself again.  

We don’t always have the emotional strength to handle situations like we did before cancer.  

That is OK!!!!

We don’t always have to be warrior strong.  Sometimes we just try to get through the day as best as we can and hope tomorrow is better.

Protect your soul by doing things which will help you feel better.  I spent a lot of time walking by myself and praying.  God knew what he was doing through this, even when I didn’t.  Every time I came home from a walk by myself I felt a little less anxious and my soul was revived.  

If you need to walk away from responsibilities during this time to protect your soul, please do. Maybe you need to take time away from your job.  Perhaps there is a volunteer activity that you love doing, but you find yourself depleted now.  Step away. 

When we are kind to ourselves and take care of our souls, we can experience less anxiety.

A cancer diagnosis seems to come with its own special dose of anxiety.  It doesn’t matter if you are dealing with an advanced cancer diagnosis, or a tiny area of cancer.  Anxiety is a part of the package.  We can take care of ourselves by accepting the anxiety, limiting our research time, and protecting our soul during this time.

If you are really struggling, please reach out to a professional for help.  I am not a mental health professional, so please do not take my writing as medical advice.  Seek help if you need it.