2023: A Graduation and A Retirement
June 2023 marked the end of an era. Dan, our youngest son, graduated high school, and I retired from my fifteen-year career of being a home educator. As I’m writing, it hasn’t been much more than a week. The graduation balloons and cards are still out. The summer has begun, much like it always has, with a review of the semester grades and a packing up of the school supplies to return.
I think it will truly set in in August when the packing begins, and the new books don’t arrive. Dan will begin his college journey at the University of Alabama, and Dave and I will start the next phase in our lives, that of empty nesting.
Endings, Emotions, and an Unexpected Challenge
If I’m being honest, I don’t know how I’m feeling right now. I don’t recommend completing two big life projects within a two-week span. On May 23, “A Breast Cancer Journey: Living it One Step at a Time” was published. That same afternoon, I discovered that somehow Dan had been left off of the virtual graduation ceremony for his school through an administrative error. I won’t go into all the details, but I will say he was added, but not without a full family effort to advocate for correcting the error.
It was once again one of those “best of times, worst of times” moments. And worse, there was nothing we could do as we waited for calls back for resolution. I’m grateful he was added so our extended families could watch the ceremony wherever they were. But the difficulties in rectifying the situation took an emotional toll on our household. In the remaining days of that week, we were not celebrating his achievements as I had wanted to; we were dealing with the worst part of being part of a schooling system, the bureaucracy.
Thankfully, by the end of the week, the situation was resolved. I could invite our family to the ceremony and plan a family barbecue for the evening of his graduation.
Graduation Celebration Weekend
Graduation weekend began with Ken flying home from Boise to celebrate his brother’s graduation. For four days, the home was filled with the sounds of my kids having fun together. There have been times when the volume has bothered me. But this time, it was different. Ken won’t be living here over the summer. In fact, I’m not sure if he can return before his brother leaves for college. So this was their time.
As I experienced their fun from afar, I relished one of the benefits of homeschooling. My boys loved playing together. There were never alone in their schooling journeys. Except for the past two years, they did it all together. Recesses, lunch breaks, lessons, joys, and challenges were done as a team.
A Gradual End to the Schoolroom
When Ken left for college, Dan stopped doing his schoolwork in the schoolroom. We had moved his desk to the bigger one that Ken had always used. I can count on one hand the number of times he actually sat down at that desk. There was always something wrong with it. I think that it never truly felt like his. That room was never the same when Ken graduated.
Dan pivoted to doing his lessons on the couch or at the desk in his room. His independence meant that I became a consultant, only brought in when a problem needed to be solved or he needed tutoring on a particular lesson.
Our Last School Lesson Together
We don’t always get to recognize the lasts. But I can vividly remember our last math lesson together. I knew it would be the final one I would have with Dan. As we worked through the problems, and I tried to remember how to do Trigonometry, I tried to capture the moment in my memory. There would never be another one of these sessions. After fifteen years of teaching them at home, I knew this would be the last.
When he was ready, he closed the laptop to do more of the assignment on his own. I watched him walk out of the room, and I knew my job was done.
I will always be a teacher, but my role as their learning coach for K-12 education was complete. Retirement was here.
Ceremony and Celebration
Graduation happened a few days after that last lesson. It was a day of celebration and smoked meat (at his request). We watched the ceremony, taking wagers on whether or not his graduation slide would actually be in. It was, and we captured his joy with plenty of photos and videos.
The evening was filled with joy as we had a family barbecue. The four cousins were together, three in college and one in high school. It was a precious night, one of those that you want to slow time down to experience over and over.
Then, it ended, and we headed to bed.
Now What?
As the next morning dawned, I woke up not exactly sure where I was and who I was.
I’m still figuring it out.
Ken flew home that Sunday, heading back to his life in Boise. The home returned to the normal we have been used to, with the three of us.
Soon, it will be two of us. And I know it will take time for us to find our rhythms. But I look forward to the journey.
A Fifteen-Year Virtual School Educational Journey
We began the virtual school journey fifteen years ago, intending to see if it would work. Could we actually do this?
Over the years, my role pivoted from teacher to coach. In the elementary years, I was guiding their learning. I was teaching them to read, giving the spelling tests, setting up the art projects, and dedicating my kitchen to the latest science experiment.
As they hit middle school, I was setting up the environment in the home and the norms so that learning could take place. I set the expectations and the standards, but now their teachers did the grading.
When they hit high school, we offered them the option of going in person. They decided not to. In retrospect, they would have ended up back at home with the pandemic anyway, something none of us could have predicted.
Dan persevered through a high school that began with me getting breast cancer and had a solid two years of pandemic-limited activities. He served as two-time ASB president for his virtual school and built many connections with other students across the state. He was able to be a part of planning the in-person prom and attended it in late May. I’ve seen him grow both in height and confidence.
I’m exceptionally proud of both of my boys and finish this season of my life with gratitude. We did the best we could, and I was there. We finished well, and I hope they launch their lives confidently and purposefully. They are now the owners of their learning.
It wasn’t easy.
It was worth it.
Happy Graduation to Dan. And Happy Retirement to me.
Jennifer Douglas
Jennifer is the author of "A Breast Cancer Journey: Living it One Step at a Time," breast cancer survivor, and patient advocate. Her book, published in 2023 by Bold Story Press, is an encouraging guide for breast cancer patients. It contains first-hand information, organized by topics, to help readers navigate the diagnosis, treatment, and recovery from breast cancer. Her writing emphasizes emotional, mental, and physical well-being along with empowered decision-making.
2 Comments
Linda
This brought tears to my eyes. These boys are lucky to have you for a Mom.
Jennifer Douglas
Oh, thank you!